Friday, June 25, 2010

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Requirement #8

On a lighter note than yesterday's post, here is today's requirement. He must not have words like snuggle, cuddle, drinkie, trucko, blankie, or clippie in his vocabulary. I am the female in the relationship. I am supposed to be the one to ask to cuddle or snuggle. There is nothing more annoying than waking up to someone that is asking to cuddle or snuggle for the entire morning. If you want to de-masculate yourself, give it a try. Every time I hear the word snuggle, I think of that creepy stuffed bear with the freakishly high pitched voice on the TV commercials. Not exactly what I want to associate my boyfriend with.

As for the rest of the words on my list.....If you are thirsty you get a drink, not a drinkie. If you drive a vehicle with a cab in the front and a long flat bed in the back that you can haul stuff around in, it's a truck not a trucko. If you are cold you cover yourself with a blanket, not a blankie. And last but not least if you have overgrown toenails, you cut them with a toenail clipper, not a clippie. I have plenty more examples of nauseating words like these that should never come out of the mouth of a boy over the age of 5, but just writing about these few has caused me to throw up in my mouth a little.

So no baby talk, guys. And I (the female) should be the one asking to cuddle or snuggle. And if I never ask to do it, consider yourself lucky. Some guys are required to do these things all the time against their will.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Sidenote #3

I was sad to hear today that the Free Credit people are looking for a new band to do their commercials. That means my favorite commercial cutie won't be on them anymore. It figures. I finally find some commercials I actually want to watch and they kill em. See for yourself....

Requirement #7

This should go without saying, but he must not be an ex-felon. You know what they say...once a felon, always a felon. Even on the off chance you find an ex-felon that sincerely wants to turn his life around and become something other than a criminal, in the eyes of the rest of the world he is still a felon. Let me elaborate....

Statistics show that 80% of people that have once been incarcerated end up in prison multiple times. Chances are, if you find yourself a nice ex-felon that you want to start a relationship with, he won't be free for long. But let's say you found one of the good ones in the 20% that won't get locked up and he really wants to make something of himself. If you think that can actually happen, you are just fooling yourself.

First of all, you know that section on a job application that asks you to declare your criminal history? Guess what? They actually do background checks and most companies don't want ex-felons working for them. Go figure! So chances are, your little criminal teddy bear will remain jobless and you get to support him. Yippee!

Secondly, even if you're ex-felon is staying out of trouble, there is not one single soul on the face of the earth that will trust him after learning about his past. This is especially true of law enforcement officers. You may have them following you around town, breaking into your house and tearing it apart, or bringing your beau home in the middle of the night after picking him up for questioning. This may cause your neighbors to question what is going on in your household and may even lead them to believe that your beau is holding you against your will or abusing you. Not exactly the attention you want to bring to yourself.

In conclusion, while it might seem exciting and dangerous to be associated with an ex-felon and you feel like your purpose in life is to save him and change him for the better, you really don't need this shit. I recommend running as fast as you can in the other direction. Go find yourself a nice science geek like Leonard in the Big Bang Theory. He may be boring, but you'll be happier in the long run.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Requirement #6

This requirement builds on #5 regarding cleaning. He must know how to clean things properly. For instance, one may feel that one is contributing to the cleanliness of the house by putting a load of laundry in the washing machine and starting it. But if one doesn't move that load into the dryer in a timely manner and keeps it wet in the washing machine for several days, it starts to stink. So badly, in fact, that washing it a second time doesn't really get the stink out. So not only does one not actually assist in cleaning, but one adds a considerable quantity of money to the electric bill which is completely unnecessary and avoidable. Not to mention that there is nothing I hate more than hobbling into the laundry room with two arms full of clothing that need to be washed, only to open the washer door and find a tub full of fermenting stinky clothes that I have to rewash.

One also may feel like one is contributing to the cleanliness of the house if he loads the dishwasher with a bunch of dishes that are caked on dirty to the point that they don't get clean after going through the extra long cycle. Then one may feel like one is still helping by running it a second time. Again, not only does one not actually assist in cleaning, but one adds a considerable quantity of money to the electric bill which is completely unnecessary and avoidable. It is also not helpful to put items that are not dishwasher safe into the dishwasher and run it on extra high temperatures. One might as well take all my plastic kitchenwares and broil them in the oven. Contrary to popular belief, I don't have that money tree in the backyard anymore and can't afford to repurchase everything that is ruined due to one's stupidity.

So, to recap, 'one' must not only help me clean, but do it correctly. I think I have already eliminated about half of the male population and I've only gotten to Requirement #6!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Requirement #5

He must absolutely 100% always share cleaning duties. Furthermore, he must clean without me having to point out what needs to be cleaned nor cause me to have a complete and utter meltdown before he grabs the vacuum.

I hate cleaning, but I know it has to be done. It's bad enough that I have to clean up after myself and the pets, but I shouldn't have to clean up after another human being that is fully capable of cleaning up after himself. We both live in the same house. We both use the same sinks and toilets and showers. We both walk on the same floors and eat in the same kitchen. So why should I have to clean piss off the floors and snot gobs out of the sink that I didn't put there? I shouldn't! Grab a friggin' sponge and some disinfectant and do it yourself.

And I have news for you. Dust naturally falls on furniture. Water spots naturally occur on faucets and surrounding receptacles. Pet hair and dirt naturally collect on floors. Don't wait for me to take care of it! I am not your Mama. Pick up a broom or a cleaning wipe. Plug in the vacuum and run it over the floor. If you see a hairball, pick it up (paper towels work well for this). It's not your cat, you say? You knew I came with cats, so deal with it and take one for the team!

I work full time and have a life, just like you do. If you want to get along with me, you can't be afraid of cleaning supplies. I don't expect you to do it all, but I don't think it's unreasonable for the responsibilities to be split down the middle.

Whew! I feel better now. Can you tell I feel especially strongly about this one?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

As Y Chromosome Shrinks, End of Men Pondered

This article amuses me. I wonder how men would feel if they knew one of their most important parts was shrinking.....

As Y Chromosome Shrinks, End of Men Pondered

by Joe Palca

December 13, 2004

In men, the 23rd chromosome is made up of an X chromosome and a Y chromosome. The 22 other chromosomes in human cells are matched pairs, shared by men and women.

It takes a man to carry a Y chromosome, and it takes the Y chromosome to make sperm, which is necessary for human reproduction. So men are essential to the future of the species.

But researchers have found that, over the millennia, the Y chromosome has lost most of it genes. What if it were to disappear altogether? NPR's Joe Palca explores that possibility in the first report of a three-part series on the End of Men.

The Y Chromosome: A Primer

Each of our cells contains 23 pairs of chromosomes. Twenty-two of those pairs are matched pairs, shared by men and women. The 23rd is different.

In women, the 23rd pair is made up of two X chromosomes. In men, it's made up of an X chromosome and a Y chromosome. That Y chromosome determines maleness in humans — it holds genes necessary for forming testes and making sperm.

Y So Lonely?

The fact that it doesn't have a matching pair poses a bit of a problem for the Y chromosome.

All the other chromosomes come in two copies. Every time a cell divides, mistakes in genes can creep in. In paired chromosomes, that means that if there is a mistake on one chromosome, a cell can always get the correct gene sequence from the other chromosome.

Over time, mistakes have crept into the Y chromosome, too. But every time a gene on the Y chromosome went bad, it basically disappeared. Scientists theorize that the X and Y chromosome started out with about the same amount of genes — about 1,000. Today, the Y chromosome has less than 80 genes.

Hope for Y's Future

Some geneticists think the Y chromosome is now little more than a genetic wasteland that will eventually just disappear. If that were to happen, it would certainly spell the end of sexual reproduction.

But David Page of MIT's Whitehead Institute vigorously disagrees. "At the same time that it is continuing to lose genes, it's found some new ways of replenishing itself," Page says.

Last year, Page and his colleagues reported a finding that brightened the outlook for the future of men: The Y chromosome has been secretly creating backup copies of its most important genes. These are stored in the DNA as mirror images, or palindromes — which read the same way forwards and backwards. ("Madam, I'm Adam" is a famous example.)

In Y chromosome palindromes, the first half contains the gene and the second half contains the same information, just in reverse.

That means that many of the genes on the Y chromosome do occur as pairs. Page says members of these pairs appear to be swapping out or recombining with each other — allowing the genes to repair themselves when they get damaged.

Page says this helps explain why these genes have been able to persist despite millions of years of assault from random mutations. And, he says, it means the Y chromosome won't simply keep shrinking away until it disappears altogether.