Requirement #6

This requirement builds on #5 regarding cleaning. He must know how to clean things properly. For instance, one may feel that one is contributing to the cleanliness of the house by putting a load of laundry in the washing machine and starting it. But if one doesn't move that load into the dryer in a timely manner and keeps it wet in the washing machine for several days, it starts to stink. So badly, in fact, that washing it a second time doesn't really get the stink out. So not only does one not actually assist in cleaning, but one adds a considerable quantity of money to the electric bill which is completely unnecessary and avoidable. Not to mention that there is nothing I hate more than hobbling into the laundry room with two arms full of clothing that need to be washed, only to open the washer door and find a tub full of fermenting stinky clothes that I have to rewash.

One also may feel like one is contributing to the cleanliness of the house if he loads the dishwasher with a bunch of dishes that are caked on dirty to the point that they don't get clean after going through the extra long cycle. Then one may feel like one is still helping by running it a second time. Again, not only does one not actually assist in cleaning, but one adds a considerable quantity of money to the electric bill which is completely unnecessary and avoidable. It is also not helpful to put items that are not dishwasher safe into the dishwasher and run it on extra high temperatures. One might as well take all my plastic kitchenwares and broil them in the oven. Contrary to popular belief, I don't have that money tree in the backyard anymore and can't afford to repurchase everything that is ruined due to one's stupidity.

So, to recap, 'one' must not only help me clean, but do it correctly. I think I have already eliminated about half of the male population and I've only gotten to Requirement #6!

Requirement #5

He must absolutely 100% always share cleaning duties. Furthermore, he must clean without me having to point out what needs to be cleaned nor cause me to have a complete and utter meltdown before he grabs the vacuum.

I hate cleaning, but I know it has to be done. It's bad enough that I have to clean up after myself and the pets, but I shouldn't have to clean up after another human being that is fully capable of cleaning up after himself. We both live in the same house. We both use the same sinks and toilets and showers. We both walk on the same floors and eat in the same kitchen. So why should I have to clean piss off the floors and snot gobs out of the sink that I didn't put there? I shouldn't! Grab a friggin' sponge and some disinfectant and do it yourself.

And I have news for you. Dust naturally falls on furniture. Water spots naturally occur on faucets and surrounding receptacles. Pet hair and dirt naturally collect on floors. Don't wait for me to take care of it! I am not your Mama. Pick up a broom or a cleaning wipe. Plug in the vacuum and run it over the floor. If you see a hairball, pick it up (paper towels work well for this). It's not your cat, you say? You knew I came with cats, so deal with it and take one for the team!

I work full time and have a life, just like you do. If you want to get along with me, you can't be afraid of cleaning supplies. I don't expect you to do it all, but I don't think it's unreasonable for the responsibilities to be split down the middle.

Whew! I feel better now. Can you tell I feel especially strongly about this one?